Well it's working

Things are coming together I lost 8 lbs with step one (basically watching what I eat data entering it in to myfitnesspal thus curbing some of my  tendencies to snack and over eat). I have made most of my appointments: with the cardiovascular surgeon for my IVC filter, my PST appointment, my medical clearence , my hospital class, and I arranged for the pre op testing  to be done at my hospital. I am feeling calm and confident about my decision and future. Oops forgot I bought the complete 3 week optifast diet supplies on eBay and saved almost 100 dollars.

I lost 8 lbs

Since I started data entry I lost 8 lbs according to the scale in my drs office

My Comorbidities : conditions and meds

AGE: 51  WT: 448   HT 5 7   BMI 70   MOTHER of 3 GRANDMOTHER of 1    RN

HYPERTENSION/ ATRIAL FIBRILLATION diagnosed with bp 2002 atrial fib 2004
MEDICATIONS: Sotalol - antiarrhythmic and BP Diltiazem - as needed during episodes of afib (so I don't have to go to the hospital) Coumadin - anticoagulant to prevent clots during episodes of afib (again so I don't have to go to the ER and get lovenox) HCTZ - diuretic for BP KDUR - potassium supplement/ Magnesium supplement -  from diuretic use if my potassium or magnesium gets low I have additional arrhythmias , also Fish Oil (stopped baby asa daily per my cardiologist this year)

 DIABETES TYPE 2 diagnosed October 2005
MEDICATIONS: Actos and Glipizide plus cinnamon supplement

ARTHRITIS/ BACK, KNEES, AND SHOULDER pain diagnosed 1991
MEDICATIONS:  Motrin 800mg twice a day, Percocet (oxycodone) 5-10mg daily at night, Tramadol as needed for pain, and Benadryl w/percocet (because percocet makes me a little itchy)

SLEEP APNEA- Use CPAP machine nightly rated as severe setting 14

My plan to lose wt pre op

My plan to lose wt pre op

Step 1 Data entry everything I eat being brutally honest and writing down EVERYTHING Using myfitnesspal Time limit: August 14,2012

Step 2 will be to eliminate the sweets and keep track and decrease carbs. Time limit 8/14-21

Step 3 low carb no sweets 8/14-9/4 Step three if I haven't lost at least 25 lbs by sept 4th do an extra week of optifast. Time limit: if needed start 9/4

Step 4 optifast 2 weeks prior to surgery. Time limit 9/11-24

Step 5 surgery! 9/25/12

I am 51

I gave myself to age 50 to lose the wt on my own and I failed major I have become so big I am almost crippled. So the decision is made the date is set and I am getting the gastric bypass. I wish it were sooner then September 25th but I have a little time to get some wt off ha ha ha. I know my doctor wants me to lose 35-40 lbs before surgery but if I could do that why would  I need surgery? I am going to try and at least do the optifast for an extra week(they require 2 weeks prior to surgery).
What I am doing now is using my fitness pal to enter my daily intake , it is helping me to snack less and become aware of my snacking patterns, emotional eating, and types of food I eat. Since it was my birthday I did have chocolate cake and ice cream but I did eat smaller portions of my bday dinner and my slice of cake was also smaller then I usually would take. Today I am not having any cake but I did have a small ice cream bar. I plan to focus on my "diet" in a few weeks. I am also using online support groups to ask questions and get encouragement from others photos and stories. I will need to make a counseling appointment and start going to the support group on weds nights.

Emotional day for me but I have a surgery date

Today started off well traffic wasn't to bad since my fiasco last week (see previous post) I "knew" my appointment was at 930am I got there at 915 went to the bathroom first signed in at 930 and sat until called when I di my day went down hill fast. The very nice scheduler said my appointment was at 900 am and the nutritionist had a 930 already. She said she was confused about which visit this was for me since she was on maternity leave when I started and my 3 month program was not set up right. I stood there and and started saying but I was here Friday and she told me my appointment was for 930. Then I did something I haven't done in literally years I burst into tears. The sweet receptionist took me into a private room and straighten out my "program" the scheduler Pam set up my surgery appointment , I got to see not only the nutritionist but the nurse practitioner for my " second" appointment ( the pre op exam and review). While the end result is I have my date I got some questions answered and reassurance from the staff I cried a lot and melted down completely which for me is not a comfortable feeling. When I was a new RN I cried when faced with any confrontation and I hated it. I trained my self not to cry in front of people of authority and to stand up for myself. I became a strong voice in my career so this breakdown brings back bad memories of a weaker self. I felt better when I left went to work and remained a little fragile all day. I cried a few times ( in private) but I made it through the day. I work tmr but have the rest of the week off for my birthday.
Oh I forgot I freaking gained 2 lbs so they are pressuring me big time to lose 45 lbs before surgery.
I have started my fitness pal and data entering all I eat it is working to curb my binging as I don't like entering to much lol I am being brutally honest and entering everything I eat. My plan is to begin low carb in earnest Monday kind of a modified Atkins because that the only diet I have ever tried that helps me resist sweets and that I feel strong and healthy while I do it.

Here is my ticker
Hope it works

Sheeeeeeesh should I have my surgery with these people?

I need to express concern and frustration. I rescheduled an appointment a month ago but I misplaced my organizer so I put the new appointment into my phone then added it later to my organizer. Only I forgot to cross out the original appointment scheduled today Friday the 20th. I tried to call the office before I went at 851am but the phone rolled over To the message : office hours are 9-5. So I go and the receptionist says I indeed do Not have an appointment. I mention I tried to call. She says" oh no I opened the phones at 830". I looked at my phone it shows I made the call at 851am she says "no no no the phone was ringing and being answered then". Ok wtf is the point of saying that to me? It came off so rude and she did it over and over. I left disgruntled not because I wasted my time but because of her attitude. This is making me nervous about the office staff. It's not the first time I have had an issue. When trying to schedule my counseling appointments which I have to pay out of pocket for the receptionist interrupted our scheduling to say she had to do something else and someone else would have to help me. She then answered the phone and scheduled someone else. I got upset because it was complicated confusing and she dumps me for another call. I walked out.
This process is anxiety producing enough with out this crap from the staff. I thought everyone would be more encouraging and supportive and not nasty and confrontational. I might mention that I was not blaming them in anyway for the issue today that was all me. simply why in the world did she keep negating or denying that I had got their machine that morning. Seriously sigh

Pre surgery thoughts

I find out my surgery date next week. Today I hurt my leg walking into work. I did not fall I was just walking and my right calf pulled or charley horsed maybe my Achilles tendon. Whatever it was it has crippled me worse then I have been ever! I so did not need another obstacle to exercising sigh. I am ready to do this.
I have a lot of questions about the surgery itself
How long will I be in the hospital?
How much recovery time will I need before I can return to work?
How my much pain will there be?
How will my body feel inside?
Will I have control of my bowels and will I vomit a lot?
I think I will visit the blue point website and attend a support group this week.
I must get ready to get ready

SECOND INSTALLEMENT

Today I am thinking about why I decided to have the surgery. I have become increasingly UNABLE. I can not: walk up stairs, walk any distance comfortably, fly comfortably, ride a bike, get up from a sitting position with anything like ease, and take care of myself alone. I have a laundry list of things I want to be able to do a BUCKET list if you will.
Chase my grandson
walk up or down stairs without a rail
fly to Africa on a mission
ride a bike
take a hike
buy a small car and fit in it
ride a motorcycle
Meet someone and be attractive enough to attract them

I sometimes want to do a skit like Jeff Foxworthy (not that its very funny)
YOU MIGHT BE MORBIDLY OBESE IF
you can't wipe yourself without hurting your wrist
you can't climb a stair without a reinforced rail
get up out of a low couch without assistance
well you get the idea i have a million and they all make me want to cry
life as a fat person in America is not much fun .....the ridicule is one thing ......the discomfort of chairs that bind you is another...... and the comments people feel free to make is yet another.
Yes I am responsible for my situation I know that but it does not make me sub human or less valuable as a person. I know I have lost friends, one in particular that I relate to my weight and my inabilities. This makes me sad and mad.

And so it begins

My name is Rachael. I am a mother, a nurse, and a very fat person. I was given my first diet pill at age 10 by my mother... I couldn't take pills so I struggled to get the huge pill down. I don't know that I ever did or that it worked or if I even really needed it! I see pictures of my self and I am a bit chubby but not obese at all at that age. I remember being teased about being fat and large at an early age. I remember carving the word fat into my arm at around 12 years old. I remember hating my body and thinking my life would be perfect if I weren't fat. Years flow by I am in high school I am 5 7 my wt a HUGE 155. In retrospect that isn't that tall or fat but at the time I felt unattractive. I had a period at age 16 were I had a lot of dates no sex but boys asked me out and told me I was pretty....... I did have big boobs and a full soft figure. I think I undervalued myself in some respects but was a fun, gregarious person. I met the man I eventually married he seemed to think I was attractive. We moved in together 2 years later. I did my first "successful" diet at age 20 . It was a liquid protein diet run by a doctor. My dad paid for it and I achieved my ideal weight of 130 lbs. I bought a tiny bikini short skirts and tight jeans. I went to community college for 2 years then nursing school. By the time a graduated in 1983 I had regained the wt I lost plus 30 or 40 lbs. I married at age 22 wt 170 ish ....continued to gain year after year hitting 270 when I got pregnant for the first time. I lost wt during the pregnancy but regained during breast feeding. Rinse and repeat x 2 more kids over 7 years. At age 33 I was 300 plus lbs but active and healthy. Years flow by my life hits a snag or two my husband developed into an alcoholic and we have marriatal problems. We spl nb bvcb. Vit for the first time when I was 38 wt 345 lbs 3 kids ages 12, 7, and 5.
Living as a single mom for a year was hard we got back together kind of to buy a nice house in VA and be a family. The difference was we kept separate rooms. I had become used to sleeping by myself reading if I wanted to and did not want to hear my husband snore or reek of alcohol.
I am tired that's the beginning of my history more soon.